[tw: cissexism/trans* erasure] Seriously:
- Some trans* people are stealth.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people are open about the fact that they’re trans*.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people are closeted, or are only out to a handful of people whom they really trust.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people will never come out to their parents.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people do not, or cannot, dress as their actual gender every day.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people still do things that are associated with the gender they were “born” as.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people like the terms transguy/trans-guy or transwoman/trans-woman.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people would rather just be called a guy, or just be called a woman.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people would rather you didn’t call them a guy or a woman.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people use pronouns other than he or she.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people are straight; some are gay; some are lesbian; some are bisexual; some are pansexual; some are asexual; some are polysexual; some identify with other sexual orientations.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people have had surgery/surgeries to align their bodies with the gender they identify as, or want to have all the surgeries available to them.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people don’t want any surgery at all.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people want some types of surgery, but not others.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people take, or want to take, hormones.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people won’t ever want to start hormones.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people are comfortable with certain areas of their bodies, and some are not at all.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people are entirely comfortable with sex.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people are not entirely comfortable with all aspects of sex, and some don’t have sex at all.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people come out at comparatively young ages; others may not.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people are butch (although not necessarily “masculine”); some trans* people are femme (although not necessarily “feminine”).
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people experience more (or less) dysphoria than others, or only experience dysphoria in specific areas of their body.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people have known that they were trans* all their lives.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people have only recently realised that they were trans*.
- And that’s okay.
- Some trans* people are still trying to figure out who they are.
- And that’s okay.
- For every trans* person, being trans* has a different meaning for them, because not everyone who is trans* is the same.
- And that’s okay.
What is not okay is deciding that it’s your place to judge someone else’s trans* experience - which is apparently not a concept my dash has been able to grasp lately. “If you don’t have bottom dysphoria, you’re not really trans*!” “If you were a real trans* guy, you wouldn’t ever want to paint your nails!” “You don’t present as feminine enough to be a real woman!” “But they’re only fourteen: they can’t possibly know that they’re genderqueer!”
No. Seriously. Shut the fuck up.
There is no right or wrong way to be transgender. No two people are alike: no two trans* people are alike, either, and everyone’s trans* experience is different. The above is by no means a conclusive list, but internalised hate is real, and it’s bullshit. Advice for how to pass/whatever is one thing, but seriously: don’t we hear enough of, “It’s just a phase; you’re not really transgender” and, “You’re not a real *insert your gender here*” from the rest of the world? Do we seriously need to hear that shit from each other, too? Of course we don’t. You do not get to define anyone else’s identity, and neither does anyone else.
